The MN becomes a Sovereign state

The tiny 21-year-old Brit rapper Lady Sovereign, who put out a record on Jay-Z's Def Jam label last year, was spotted downtown at the Gay '90s on Sunday, Jan. 14.

Hmmm, kinda weird considering she didn't have a show. So why was the S-O-V so far away from home? Was it for a quick trip to MOA? A craving for lutefisk? A need to hit up Minneap's totally bumpin' club scene? A glimpse around the splendid, new Guthrie building? (Stay away from the spiders, Sov. They lay eggs in your eyes while you watch Shakespeare.)

The real reason Sov made the trip, according to several eyewitnesses who saw the pipsqueak out clubbin', was for a little face time with someone supposedly named Andrea - yes, as in a female, Andrea. And by face time, we mean more like sucking face (or snogging in Brit-speak). Here's what Holla has learned about Sov's rumored girlfriend who lives in the Twin Cities:

1. She is 19 years old.

2. She is from Cottage Grove and went to Park High School. (And now Seann William Scott –better known as the actor only funny after 12 beers and two pot brownies, a.k.a., Stifler from "American Pie" – is not the high school's only brush with fame.)

3. She has a kid.

4. She may or may not be originally from Brazil.

From now on, Holla is on permanent Lady Sov watch. It's better than waiting for Josh Hartnett to come home, right? But to make this easier for us, can you, Lady Sov, please go to places we're more likely to hang? Like U Otter Stop? (And don't let anyone talk you into going to Chino Latino. The wait staff'll look down even at you.)

The local media's version of mud wrestling in bikinis

After City Pages wrote a cover story about the recent Star Tribune sale, a heated e-mail exchange took place between the Strib's "executive director of Product Innovation," Monica Moses, and CP editor Steve Perry.

Doing their duty and going through some of that mud, the Rake got their hands on the email and posted it on their site, and at first, Holla was excited to see the bitch slappin' and mud slingin' - cuz ain't nothing better than an irrelevant TC cat fight.

But then a wave of disappointment hit ol' Holla. Don't get us wrong, the emails had some pretty great digs: Monica wrote, "Your motives are not pure. You can't be trusted to do the right thing with the information." Oh snap!

And Stevey-P followed with, "I've always heard that you were a first-rate suck-up." Total diss.

But seriously, is that all you got? C'mon, throw sand in each other's eyes and kick each other in the crotch. Take a cue from Trump and Rosie, and just GO FOR IT.

Steve, you should have called Monica fugly and told her the only "innovation" coming out of the Strib is Vita.MN – a crappy attempt to compete with the CP by recycling content from the regular section that no one reads anyway. And Vita.MN's stab at attracting the "Sex and the City" crowd with Alexis on the Sexes? Totally weak. And gawd! It doesn't even rhyme right.

Mon, you should have called Steve a pretentious wanker who, seriously, needs to get off Bruce Springsteen's jock. (If you don't know what we mean, check out Mr. Perry's archive, it's like a friggin' Boss fan club. Ish.)

But now Holla learns, this week Stevey-P is leaving the CP. (Maybe Monica's words really pierced the heart?) Holla says, whoever the new editor may be, you must avenge in Steve Perry's name. Fight!

We just need to know if the bra comes in 34C, not your deep thoughts

Apparently gorgeous gal Gisele doesn't consume enough cals to help the brain in that pretty 'lil head of hers function. The Victoria's Secret model attributes anorexia to "weak families." That's right, orphans have next to nothin' between them and obesity. (And you thought it was bad enough that they didn't get a baby bro.)

Also among the utterances that blared from the Brazilian beaut's lips: "… excuse me, there are people born with the right genes for this profession."

And excuse us, Gisele, there are people born with the right lack of brain cells for your profession.

So she can trade rehab stories with James Frey

Good for lil' Lilo. (And we call her lil' because she's 20. Tweeeeeeeenty.) We mean, when you got a problem, you gotta fix it, right? Congrats to her for gettin' her rear end (even if it isn't covered by underwear) into rehab to deal with her addiction (the alcohol, that is).

But wait, what's this? Miss Lohan was skippin' out? To go to an AA meeting? Well that's not bad; it's like takin' a break from your job to do some homework.

Oh, but, really? She's been giving phone interviews and sending out press releases? Apparently celeb rehab includes some methods Holla hadn't considered.

Remember Linds, get better, listen to your therapists, find your higher purpose, but do NOT let anyone stop you from being "adequite."

The envelope please … OH GOD, THE ANTHRAX!!!

Ahhh, red carpet season. (No, we're not still talking about Lohan. Stop being so drrty!) That's right, folks, the time has come to give celebs even more attention they don't deserve.

After the lackluster round one with the GGs, we're geared for … the SAG awards, er, the Oscars. (Holla has a feeling the only people who really appreciate the SAG awards are those who are, well, saggin' somewhere.)

Here's a quick look at the lineup that'll be soakin' up some of that limelight come Feb. 25.

-Holla is lovin' the fact that "Little Miss Sunshine" is baskin' in, well, the sunlight. (Any film that includes every single "indie" cliché of a road trip, dysfunctional yet quirky family and ends with dancing deserves a nod.) Though there's little hope for the comedy in the big ol' category of best picture, we're still rootin' for little Abigail for best supporting.

-Whoever said Hollywood doesn't respect the ol' hags? Thanks to Judi Dench, Meryl Streep and Helen Mirren, the old ladies dominated best actress. Is gray the new blonde?

-Sorry Big Willie, Holla doubts the Fresh Prince who once got jiggy with it has much of a shot at best actor. Besides, we're all about gorge Mr. Ryan Gosling - Holla doesn't give a hoot about if it was a full or a half nelson.